Cohabitation.

We don't believe in cohabitation because we are Mormon. Right? No. Thats not the only reason. The common myth is that if you cohabit before you get married then you don't have the problems that married couples that didn't cohabit have.

I would like to discuss the issues with cohabitation, and why it isn't the fool proof way to test out a partner. What happens in a cohabitation relationship is what I like to call the "Roommate Syndrome". Moving in with another person isn't the same as getting married. When you move in together you still lead your life, and still have your own checking account. This is what is called leading parallel lives. Let me compare this to marriage (and let me note this is the ideal marriage). When a man and a woman marry they merge lives. They have been going their separate ways, and then they merge their lives together (picture 2 roads would merge to become one). The woman takes on a mans name and then they pretty much commit themselves to the other person.

In a cohabitational relationship, there is no merging. They are essentially like roommates sharing the rent, utilities, etc.

Here are a few facts about cohabiting couples:

Those who cohabit before marriage exhibit poorer marital problem solving skills and are less supportive of each other than those who did not cohabit.

The rate of infidelity is higher among couples who cohabitational before marriage than those who did not.

Source: Lauer, Robert H., and Jeanette C. Lauer. Marriage and Family: the Quest for Intimacy. New York: McGraw-Hill Higher Education, 2009. Print.

Also another myth that people say that cohabitation couples have better intimate relations. When really they have found the opposite. Married couples have better inimate relations than those who are cohabiting.

My own theory about this is because married couples trust each other enough to be truly intimate. Also I believe that when married couples are committed to each other they learn the intimate details about what makes a relationship successful. Cohabiting relationships may just be in it for themselves and not really look for what makes the other person happy. Again-- my own theory and what I have seen in my own marriage.

Think it out for yourself. Do some research for your self and find out the truth. You'll find support for both sides, but you'll just have to see what makes sense.

Yes, we are all different.

This week in class we learned about how males and females are different. Supprising I know. But gender lines get blurred these days. I would just like to share some of the fun diffences we discussed in class how males and females are differnt.

And Remember differnt doesn't always mean that its a bad thing.

We learned that the brains of Males and Females are different, specifically how our brains are wired. Male brains have more gray matter, while females have more white matter. This means that women have more connective tissue, and can make more connecting thoughts. Males have more of like a heavy duty hard drive that can hold more information. Pretty cool right?

Women are able to remember details more, while men think more in spacial 3D mode.
If you ask a woman for directions (most of the time)she will use landmarks. Men like to give directions in North/South terms.

Boys learn gross motor skills (like jumping, running) first, and girls learn fine motor skills (like drawing, cutting with scissors) first.

Well I believe that God made us different for a reason, and we should not try to be like the other sex.

You can post some funny male/female differences you have seen as well.

Have a wonderful day!

Family Rules.

The rules I'm talking about are not the ones that are 'posted on the frige', but the unspoken rules. The rules that no one said out loud, but you knew it was a rule. I would like to share some of my silly rules from growing up:

(1) Cupboards always had to be closed or dad wouldn't like it.
(2) We had to tell mom and dad that we were home from dates or they would come downstairs and make sure we were home.
(3) If you don't want your brothers and sisters to eat your treats then hide them VERY well! Like under a floor board, they are hunters and they know the easy spots like under your pillow.

And I also thought since I am learning the Nickle family why not put some of their rules here? Well I thought of just some that I observed and had to follow in order to be a sucessful Nickle.

(1) When the family gets all together, and Jared is around, you must speak louder than him in order to be heard.
(2) Get straight to the point when talking to Ross.
(3) When you come to a potluck, make sure you bring lots! Nickles LOVE food (and talking a lot).

Family rules are very important in a family for keeping the peace. What are your family rules and how have you seen them effect your family?

Well have a fantastic day :)

First Post.

I love the classes that Brother Williams teaching, and the insights I gain every week! Last semester I took a class from him called "The Helping Relationship". The class was for those who were going into counseling for individuals, families, or marriage counseling. I took it just because it interested me...and I thought it was going to be about marriage. (Silly me.) Well I learned so much that ended up helping my marriage anyway. I found better ways of talking with my sweetheart. It was amazing how much I learned about listening and about validating feeling. Oh it was fantastic!

So far in this class we have discussed the precautions of scientific research on families and marriage. There can be so many biases put into research, so must not just read research and accept it as fact. We must make sure that things line up, such as credentials of the person writing the article.

We also have talked about the social trends that are going on today and how they effect marriage. A trend I found supremely critical was cohabitation. I believe that it threatens marriage because, those who are just living with one another think it is the same as marriage. It is not. And who else does that effect? Their children. Child abuse rates are higher in a cohabitation home.

Another issue that is going on today is premarital sex. It effects all of us. And the sad thing about it is that the teenagers who engage in this risky act don't really know how it will effect them later on. The worst thing could happen used to be pregnancy. But now it is STD's. There are STD's that if contracted can effect your ability to have children, making you sterile.

How blessed we are to have the knowledge of the gospel that saves us from such consequences. Let us share this gospel with all that we know! The gospel never tries to be with the times, or to be popular, but it is the right way.
I hope you have learned something from my post.
Until next post :) God be with you till we meet again.